Eren woke up after a long nap. Not a kingly power nap. Just a full, lazy, blanket-hugging leave-me-alone sleep.
When he opened his eyes, he saw someone standing by his bed.
It was Zenis.
She was just staring. No blinking. No words. Just silently… watching.
"…Can I help you?" Eren mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"You look peaceful when you sleep," she whispered, like a horror movie villain trying to flirt.
"Okay. That's terrifying."
A voice echoed from deep inside Eren. Not from his mouth, but from his heart. It sounded like his own voice—just more sarcastic and tired.
Zenis straightened. "Come, Lord Eren. It's time for the demon meeting."
"…You mean demon meeting?"
"No. I said it right. Demon MEATing."
She gave him a wink.
Eren sighed. "I'm in hell. This is hell. I'm 90% sure this is hell."
Zenis led him to the grand hall. The place looked like a gothic horror museum—skulls, broken torches, cracked statues, and a glowing red throne at the center.
The demons were already gathered.
Eren took one look at them and nearly choked.
They were starving.
Some were bones in armor. Others were chewing on wood. One demon was licking a wall.
"These… are the elite?" Eren asked.
"Yes," Rost said proudly. "The finest of the last demon army."
"They look like they'll die if I blow on them."
Eren walked to the throne and sat down.
Then… did absolutely nothing.
Day one: Nothing.
Day two: Still nothing.
Day three: Slight shift in sitting posture. Still… nothing.
Finally, on the third day, Eren looked around.
"So… no one works here? No planning? No meetings? No… anything?"
Zenis and Rost looked at each other.
Then looked away.
They'd never even heard of strategy before.
Eren stared at them.
"I'm leading a clown show. A really hungry clown show."
Suddenly, a small voice shouted from the back:
"I can help!"
A short demon kid stood up from the crowd. His armor was way too big, his helmet kept sliding off, and he carried a giant storybook under one arm and a rolled-up map under the other.
"I'm Hagemaru! I'm really good with strategies!"
Eren raised an eyebrow. "That book has war plans?"
"No! The book's just for story time. The map's my own!"
He unrolled a faded old map on the floor. It was hand-drawn, full of red arrows and tiny stick figures.
"We go to the nearest human village, eat everyone, and take the land. It's a classic plan. Trust me."
The room went silent.
Then—
"GENIUS!"
"A MASTER TACTICIAN!"
"GET THIS BOY A CHAIR!"
Eren blinked. "That's… that's the whole plan?"
Hagemaru gave a thumbs-up. "Simple and spicy."
"I don't know if I should feel proud or terrified."
The next morning, the demon army marched out. Drums played. Flags waved. Hagemaru held the map like it was a sacred scroll. Everyone was ready to eat humans and take territory.
But when they arrived at the village…
It was completely empty.
No people. No food. No anything.
A single chicken ran across the street, looked at them, and escaped.
Everyone stared in silence.
"…I think the humans left a while ago," Hagemaru muttered.
Zenis squinted. "Still a better plan than anything we had."
Rost nodded. "Progress."
Eren sat down on a crate, leaned back, and looked up at the sky.
"I died, came to a new world, got the body of a Demon King… and I'm surrounded by starving weirdos and a strategy kid who uses crayons."
The voice in his heart sighed, "You asked how to burn the world. First, maybe light a fire on this army."