Panic grips Fenris, a deep and clawing dread that tears through him with a force he has never known.
Not once in his life has he felt this kind of sharp, breath-stealing fear. It doesn't belong to an Alpha. But it wraps around his chest, crushes his thoughts, and sends him staggering toward the bathroom, barely able to breathe.
His wolf resists, howling inside him to turn back, but he forces himself forward, hand slamming against the door as he stumbles in, drenched in confusion and heat.
He grabs the shower handle and twists it open, stepping beneath the spray fully clothed.
The cold water crashes over him, but even that doesn't jolt him back into clarity. His hands rise to his head, fingers tightening around his hair as if he can force the thoughts out through his skull.
"What is happening to me?!" His voice cracks under the pressure, low and choked as he presses his palms hard against his temples, trying to silence the pounding in his head.
The cold soaks through every layer, weighing him down, but it isn't enough to ground him.
His body remains locked in place beneath the freezing spray, like he's caught between instinct and denial.
He doesn't know how long he stands there. Time loses meaning. Seconds stretch and snap. The storm inside him won't settle, and no amount of cold numbs it.
Eventually, a knock sounds against the bathroom door, cutting through the silence, but even that doesn't pull a response from him. Before he can move, the door creaks open. He hears Jeremy's cautious voice enter the room.
"Alpha? Fen, you okay?"
Fenris stays hunched over, water still pouring over him as the words force themselves out.
"I'm losing my mind completely, Jeremy. I'm losing everything! Even my instincts, even my wolf is going as far as lying to me!" The strain in his voice makes it heavier than usual.
Jeremy steps further in. He's been around Fenris long enough to know what to say and more importantly, when not to say anything.
"What are you talking about? What happened?" Jeremy asks, voice lowered, careful not to provoke.
Fenris doesn't answer.
Jeremy watches him, but doesn't press, after a pause, he adds, "Fen, what happened?! I just saw some girl sneak around the pack house because she looked suspicious... I tried to stop her, but she moved too fast. I lost her. I saw her carrying your trophy, so I figured she must have come from your room."
Fenris's eyes fly open. He pushes out of the shower with sudden force, water dripping from his soaked clothes as he steps out, eyes sharp now with a different kind of fire.
"She what?!" he snaps, his tone shifting as quickly as his thoughts. "I mean... he what?!"
He storms past Jeremy, not bothering to explain, already heading back into the bedroom.
The words still hang between them as Jeremy blinks, caught between confusion and concern.
"What do you mean, he?"
Fenris doesn't answer. His gaze sweeps across the room, narrowing with each empty surface he finds.
The bedside table has been cleared. His watches, the ones he never wore but always kept in the same place are gone.
The smaller items, cufflinks, a ring he wore only once, all missing.
But what cuts through him is the absence of the gold trophy, the one that mattered, the one thing he'd kept from the days he was still climbing, still proving himself.
Back when he trained to take his father's place and led the pack into strength and recognition.
That trophy was the symbol that told him he had done something right even when now things are crumbling, but now it's missing too.
He lets out a sharp breath, a bitter laugh laced with disbelief. "What a joke?!" His voice rises. "Wow! Just wow! I cannot believe this. Not even for a second!"
Jeremy tries again, eyes following him. "What happened?! Who was she?!"
Fenris turns on him, shoulders tense. "It was not a she. But a he."
Jeremy looks stunned. "How is that possible?! That can't be a man. She..."
"I don't care what gender you think he is," Fenris snaps, "but I want that trophy back. I don't care how you do it, I want that thief in jail."
Jeremy's mouth opens, but nothing comes out. He needs more information. If he's going to have to find him her, he needs a trail, but Fenris is giving him nothing, and his anger burns hot enough to shut everything else down.
Fenris's tone shifts, dropping low.
"But first... I need you to arrange a meeting with the elders and all the officials, my brother too. I've made up my mind. I'm stepping down tomorrow morni..."
Jeremy flinches. "No." The word comes sharp, without thought. He realizes immediately what he's done, but he doesn't back down. "Absolutely not, Fenris."
"In case you need reminding," Fenris says, turning toward him fully now, "you don't get to tell me what to do and what not to do."
Jeremy stares at him, caught off guard by the force in his tone. But his expression shifts as he steps closer, gaze locked on Fenris's face with surprise.
"Your eyes," he breathes. "They just glowed. Your eyes are glowing. You're getting your strength back… Did you finally meet your mate? Oh moon goddess, please tell me you did."
Fenris turns slowly to the mirror, and sure enough, the faint glow returns to his irises. His eyes haven't glowed for almost a year when he first started feeling weak.
But instead of relief, it ignites rage because it reminds him that the person who is his supposed mate is not just some random club dancer, but a crossdresser who is a man.
"Fenris…"
"Leave," he says, voice low and sharp.
"I'm not going to do it," Jeremy answers, voice hardening. "You clearly met your mate. Your strength is back. We can fight for our pack. So what the hell are you talking about stepping down?" Jeremy doesn't stop there.
"You know what happens if you do. Callum takes over. Do you even know what he's up to tonight? He's forming an alliance with Redmoon Pack. With them. Our enemies for decades. The ones who killed your parents."
Jeremy's hands clench at his sides. "Callum's not doing this for peace, and we both know that. And when he succeeds, no one will stop him from turning this world into a disaster."
Fenris suddenly slams his fist into the wall beside him, cracking the plaster with the force of it. His body heaves as his breath escapes in short, harsh bursts.
The light in his eyes flickers again and then fades entirely. His balance falters. He staggers slightly, the returning strength slipping through him like water.
"It's gone," Jeremy says, his voice quieter now. "The little strength you pulled from your mate... it's gone. Which obviously mean you didn't mark her."
"Don't talk about it again," Fenris growls.
Jeremy stares at him, the weight of the truth finally clicking into place. "What's your problem?! You met your mate. Why won't you admit it?! We thought our hope was gone, but it's here again..."
His voice sharpens with realization..
"Wait, is it that girl who..."
"For the last time!" Fenris's voice booms through the room. "It's not a girl! But a man!"
His voice rises with every word.
"And he's not just a man, but one who wears makeup, crossdresses, who dances around the pub tricking men into thinking he's some kind of young woman! And worse... he's a thief! You still want to tell me that I found my mate?!"
His hands curl into fists.
"That creature I dragged home, the one I felt something toward, that's supposed to be my mate?! Since when has the moon goddess mated two males?! Do you think the pack would celebrate that? You think they'll smile and cheer to a male Luna?!"
His voice drops.
"And you know what makes it worse? It seems he's human. So no, there must be some kind of tricks here, but that's totally not my mate. And that's why I'm telling you, there's no hope you are talking about. There's no more reason of still holding onto this."
His chest rises and falls with the force of it all.