The next few days were a blur of emotions.
Erica went through the motions—class, lunch, homework, home—but nothing felt real. Her body moved, but her mind stayed trapped in the same moment, looping endlessly like a broken tape: Nicole's voice, the apology, the way her eyes trembled like she meant it. Erica had wanted an explanation, something to anchor her, something to hate. She got it. And instead of relief, she only felt more lost.
She wasn't sure if she was ready to let Nicole back into her life. But the idea of never speaking to her again? That felt like trying to live without air.
"Erica."
The voice broke her daze. She blinked and looked up to see Mia, her best friend since freshman year, staring at her from across the lunch table.
"You haven't touched your food," Mia said, pushing Erica's tray closer. "That's literally your favorite chicken katsu."
Erica glanced at it. The crispy breading was starting to go soggy in the gravy. She poked it with her fork and sighed. "I'm not hungry."
Mia narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms. "Okay, no. Spill. I know this look—you're spiraling."
Erica bit the inside of her cheek and looked away.
"You're still thinking about her, aren't you?"
She didn't answer right away. Her eyes wandered across the cafeteria, almost unconsciously, and landed on a familiar table. Nicole sat there, laughing at something one of her friends said, her head tilted back, eyes crinkled at the corners. The sight made something twist deep in Erica's stomach—regret? Longing? Resentment?
All of it. And none of it.
"I don't know what to do," Erica said finally, her voice low, almost trembling. "I want to hate her for what she did—for leaving like that, for making me feel like I didn't matter. But when she looks at me like that... like I'm the only person in the room… it's like everything I've tried to bury just comes back up."
Mia leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand, studying her friend with a kind of careful gentleness. "Do you still love her?"
Erica's throat tightened. She didn't answer immediately. Her gaze was still on Nicole, but now Nicole wasn't laughing anymore. She was looking at her—just for a moment. Their eyes met across the cafeteria.
That was enough.
"Yeah," Erica whispered. "I think I do."
Mia exhaled sharply, sitting back in her chair. "Erica…"
"I know," Erica said quickly. "I know what you're going to say. That I deserve better. That she hurt me and I should move on. I've told myself those things a hundred times."
Mia hesitated. "No. I was going to say... I get it."
That surprised Erica. "You do?"
Mia smiled softly, but there was something sad in her eyes. "Yeah. You know Alex? From last year?"
Erica blinked. "Your ex? The art kid?"
"Yep." Mia scratched the back of her neck. "I dated them for six months. They cheated on me, and I still took them back—twice. Because I kept thinking, what if this time it works? What if this time they mean it? It's like your brain knows it's a bad idea, but your heart... your heart's a freaking idiot."
Erica gave a small, dry laugh. "Yeah. It is."
"I just don't want you to get hurt again, Eri."
"I don't either," she admitted. "But I don't think I've ever stopped loving her. Even when I tried. Even when I hated her."
They sat in silence for a moment, letting the noise of the cafeteria buzz around them like static.
"Did she say why she left?" Mia asked.
Erica nodded. "She said she was scared. That she felt like she was ruining my life by being in it. That I deserved someone better, someone who wasn't... so messed up."
Mia made a face. "That's such a coward's excuse."
"I know," Erica said. "But when she said it... I could see how much it hurt her to even admit that. Like she actually thought she was doing the right thing."
Mia let out a frustrated groan. "Ugh, why are emotions so complicated? This is why I stick to fictional relationships. They hurt less and I can throw the book if they annoy me."
Erica chuckled. "I wish I could just throw Nicole."
"Into the sun," Mia added.
"Exactly."
They laughed, and for a moment, the weight in Erica's chest lifted just a little. But then her smile faded, and she picked up a napkin, fidgeting with the edges. "The worst part is... I don't know if I can trust her again."
"Do you want to?" Mia asked gently.
Erica paused. "I want to believe her. I want to believe she means it this time. But I'm scared. Because what if I let her in again, and she just disappears like before?"
Mia nodded slowly. "Then you don't just let her in with words. If she wants to come back, she has to earn it."
Erica looked down, fingers still picking at the napkin. "I wish love had a manual or something. Like, press A to forgive, B to forget, and Start to reset your heart."
Mia laughed. "You'd still get a glitchy cutscene."
Erica smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.
Later that day, after school, Erica found herself walking aimlessly. Her feet carried her to the back field behind the gym, where the sky stretched wide and gold, clouds tinged pink with the approaching sunset. She needed space to think.
She sat down under a tree, pulling her knees up to her chest. Her phone buzzed in her pocket.
Nicole: Can we talk? Just us.
She stared at the message, thumbs hovering. Every instinct screamed for her to ignore it. But something deeper—a pull she couldn't explain—wouldn't let her.
Erica: Where?
Nicole: The old music room. 10 minutes?
Erica stared at the screen, heart thudding.
Ten minutes later, she stood in front of the door.
The music room had been abandoned for over a year. No one used it anymore—not since the instruments were moved to the new arts building. But they used to sneak in here all the time back then. When it was their secret place.
She pushed the door open.
Nicole was sitting on the windowsill, bathed in golden light. She looked up as Erica entered, and for a second, neither of them spoke.
"Thanks for coming," Nicole said quietly.
Erica leaned against the wall, arms crossed. "Say what you need to say."
Nicole nodded. "I know you don't trust me. I don't blame you. I broke your heart."
Erica flinched at the words, but didn't speak.
"I left because I thought I was protecting you. But I realize now... I was protecting myself. I was afraid of how much I loved you. Of how much I needed you. And that scared me. Because I've never needed anyone before."
Erica's throat burned. "Then why now? Why come back and say all this?"
Nicole stood, stepping closer. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but steady. "Because I still love you. And I'll say it a thousand times if I have to. But I won't force you to forgive me. I just wanted you to know."
Erica's eyes welled, but she blinked the tears away. "I don't know if I can do this again."
Nicole nodded. "Then let me start over. As your friend. As someone who's willing to earn back your trust."
Silence stretched between them. Then Erica spoke.
"I don't know how to stop loving you," she whispered. "But I also don't know how to survive another heartbreak."
Nicole looked at her with such tenderness it made her heart ache. "Then let's not rush. Just... let me stay in your life, however you'll have me."
Erica took a shaky breath. "We'll see."
It wasn't a yes.
But it wasn't a no.
And somehow, that was enough for now.
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