Remaining Days: 5
I woke up covered in sweat, panting heavily—this was a whole new nightmare. I got almost used to a younger Shinji or now Alice dying in my hands, begging me to make the pain stop. But running away, in darkness, while all around are orange, insane eyes watching me—that is scary. It must be Ronnie who affected me so much, but why? Why is she haunting me in my dreams, when we barely even talked?
Saber looks at me, undecided. I am not sure what she was pondering about, maybe she wants to ask me if I am fine? Or she considers yelling at me for waking her up with my reaction, though the bags under her eyes suggest she herself did not sleep much either. I wish I could still just ask her about that to possibly make her feel better, but I do not dare.
"Just a nightmare," I tell her, though. Just in case she really was worried, not that I would really assume that. "Ah. Good," she says. Good? I am not sure what she meant. Does she think I deserve nightmares now, because I really made her hate me? I do not dare to ask this, I am afraid of the answer. Sometimes not knowing is better, I suppose.
"I suggest we try not to meet Lil' Ronnie again," I say. No complaints from Saber - good. But I really need someone to talk to now, since I cannot really expect Saber to be the person I can rely on out of battles anymore. "I'll go for a walk, I'll be back soon," I inform Saber as I get dressed, to which she just nods her head.
"Afterwards Arena? Trigger and that," she asks me, not really facing me. I agree, and with that the conversation for this morning has already ended and it pains me to know if I had not done this one mistake, she would hold me right now to make me realise my nightmares are just that—nightmares. Sleeping in her arms also calmed me down to get more rest, but now I am all alone with my nightmares and fears. Maybe I deserve this. I have killed two children and destroyed the closest friendship I remember I ever had.
So, all I can do now is to find the second closest friend to me—Rin. If she even made it to this Round, I think bitterly. On the other hand, she is a skilled Master and her Servant is strong, there should be no way she would lose. No way. I make my way to the rooftop, looking behind me once in a while. I am not really sure if I am hopefully checking to see Saber following me after all, or to make sure there is no clown behind me.
Thankfully, I really find Rin on the rooftop and it makes me almost wonder if she spends most of her time here. Either way, it is lucky for me. I run towards her, way too happy to finally be able to have a conversation with someone who does not hate me. "Rin! I've been looking for you," I greet her.
She turns to face me and jumps from the ceiling she has been sitting on to face me. "Ritsuka! You made it?" I nod at her and cannot help a smile forming on my lips. It feels just so nice to have someone appreciate my presence right now.
"So, what's your problem this time?" Rin catches me off-guard. Have I really been always bothering her with every problem I ran into? Thinking back, yes, I really did. I should make up for it somehow, someday—if I know how. I nervously scratch the back of my head.
"Well, I've gotten unlucky this week… Have you heard of 'Lil' Ronnie', the clown?" Rin's eyes widen in shock.
"Honest condolences… I've heard of her and I really hoped I wouldn't get to face her," she admits. This opponent is someone that scares even Rin ? I must have gotten unluckier than I originally felt. Serves me right, I think.
"I… can understand that. Anything you know in particular?" I am way too hopeful to get any suggestion that is different from what my guts tell me—RUN .
"I've heard she is a cannibal… I'm not sure, but I don't think it's beyond her," Rin fumbles with her hands, obviously distressed for some reason.
Suddenly, what Ronnie said makes sense—talking about me being delicious . "She plans to eat me?" I voice my conclusion. Rin bites her bottom lip and nods.
"Probably, I'm afraid." This is not the end I would have expected to find for myself in this war. "But you have Saber, I don't think she would let that happen," Rin adds. I bite my bottom lip so hard, I can almost taste blood. I do not know why suddenly I feel so close to crying.
"Yes," I croak weakly, clearing my throat after. "Well, I need to go. Training and that, see you!"
Before Rin could stop or question me, I am already down the stairs. What am I running away from? I ask myself. I do not really want to talk to Rin, or anyone, about what happened. Maybe I am afraid Rin will hate me as well for going too far? I do not know. I would not want to risk losing my last remaining friend here.
When I am about to open my room's door, my terminal beeps. I take it out and see that I have a message—from Rin. I am almost too afraid to read it, but I do it anyway.
Here, hope it helps—somehow. Sorry I can't do more.
There is an attachment, which is a Code Cast. I skim through it and the involved comment to make out its use—it makes the user and their Servant invisible. Just what I thought Alice and Caster did last round is now something I can do to prevent facing Lil' Ronnie.
Thanks. I appreciate you. Without you I'd be done for.
After replying, I get into my room just to take Saber with me. I tell her about the Code Cast we will be using, and she does not seem to mind. It is surprising, I would have expected her to be against such cowardice. But maybe she hates talking to me so much that she would not even bother discussing with me.
I activate the Code Cast, and we go into the Arena. It turns out that even Enemy Programs are unaware of our presence with this, so our search for the Trigger Code Eta goes smooth, and soon after we can go back into our room. I feel bad for not giving Saber a chance for fighting, but she does not complain so maybe she, for once, did not feel like fighting herself.
That just worries me so much more about her. But I am in no position to worry about her, or ask her about it. I can do nothing, which makes me feel way too useless.
"G'night," she says before she turns away, probably falling asleep right away.
"Yes… Goodnight," I respond. It is not much, but we are talking more than yesterday. For some reason, it is hard not to cry myself to sleep, but I would not want to wake Saber and have her hear me crying—I am in no position to do so.
It is Saber who has been wronged by me, not the other way around. I just have to accept the consequences of what I have done.
Hearing her calm breath next to me is enough to feel at least a slight bit at ease.