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Asiola felt lighter again, her heart slowly healing as she watched her daughter grow. She laughed more, felt warmth again. A quiet wish formed inside her, she wanted another child. This time, the wish was answered quickly. Within a month, she was pregnant.
But the second pregnancy felt different. She was tired all the time. Sleepy. Her body begged for rest, and yet, there was no real space to rest. They all slept in one bed. Her first daughter often kicked or rolled onto her belly, so she had to turn and twist in her sleep just to protect the baby.
The man she called her husband became more distant. When she felt unwell, he told her it was her fault. That she had duties. That she was weak. That maybe she needed to be locked in a hospital. He complained when he had to drive her to check-ups. Complained when she asked him to watch their daughter. Bit by bit, she noticed, he didn't care how she felt. Only that she stayed useful.
The weight of everything began to grow heavy again. But this time, she saw it clearly.
As she carried the new life inside her, the world outside changed, a pandemic spread, and many were lost. The usual doctor visits were fewer, and she stayed inside for months, mostly alone with her thoughts and fears. When illness came, it hit her hard. She felt weak, barely able to stand, coughing without rest. Yet, while she struggled, her husband made a show of his own cough and needs, demanding attention. Both were sick, but she was the one who cared for everyone, cooking, cleaning, holding it all together despite her tired body.
As the pandemic raged on, she had her last check-up, speaking with the doctor over the phone. Then, one day, sharp pains came suddenly, and she was rushed to the hospital. The birth was quick, both she and the baby were safe. Relief and joy filled her heart. But deep inside, she knew her husband struggled to care for their first child. After just one day, she begged the doctors to let her leave. They hesitated, but she pleaded again and again, saying her older child could barely walk and still needed her.
Finally, they agreed. Soon, she and her newborn were back home, where they belonged.
Once home, she saw how much still needed to be done. She began cleaning, cooking, trying to keep everything going. But it overwhelmed her, and soon her strength gave out, she fell into bed for a whole day. Two little children depended on her, while others just watched her struggle. The in-laws offered no help, and her husband slipped back into his old games. Not once did he change a diaper.
Now she understood, endless cleaning, cooking, running up and down wouldn't give her the moments she truly wanted: time with her babies. She watched her girls grow, saw how many hours slipped away while she was busy with chores instead of playing or laughing with them. She longed for love and peace, but her hands were always full of work. Still, the smiles from her children were the light that kept her going.
Every evening, worn out and stressed, she began to meditate regularly. Music became her companion, old Indian meditation songs touched her deeply. She sang them softly during her practice, and when the children were asleep, she whispered the melodies. She didn't just repeat the words; she translated them in her own way, making their meaning hers instead of following blindly.
She went into meditation, starting as usual, with healing mantras, then those for cleansing karma, and finally mantras for spiritual progress. It was like a soft ritual she had shaped over time. But in the middle of her practice, she was disturbed. Husband laughed from another room, and it pulled her out of the golden tunnel she had entered, a tunnel that sometimes appeared during deeper meditations. The moment he laughed, she felt a shift. Her golden aura, soft and flowing, turned gray and bristled with sharp thorns. The sound pierced her quiet, and for a moment she felt a wave of inner upset. But she breathed through it, grounded herself into the earth with intention, and continued. In her mind she released the tension. As she let go, no longer holding onto anger or trying to fix it, she allowed the grayness to pass through her. And in that surrender, something opened.
Beneath her, a giant white lotus appeared. It was enormous, so wide that another person could have sat on it beside her. Its center was firm, but the petals brushing against her skin were delicate, like silk. She felt them even though her hands were resting still in a meditation mudra. Two glowing spheres of energy hovered near her, spinning gently like qigong energy balls.
Around her whole body and around the lotus itself, another sphere of energy formed, rotating with a strong, flowing rhythm. It had a central channel passing directly through her, connecting above and below. It wasn't just two flows, there were many, spiraling and weaving around her, meeting in the center of her being where the chakras aligned.
As she focused on this center, the energy expanded. It moved in both directions, upward and downward, into what felt like infinity. When her awareness followed the flow downward, she sensed it rooting into the earth. From her body into the ground, roots spread out, connecting her deeply. The sensation of energetic flow was strange, beautiful, and vivid. It was all so new, and yet deeply familiar.
There was a small flicker of fear, of losing herself in the experience or going too far, so she slowly returned, guiding herself gently back to her breath. She grounded herself into the now, anchoring the energy, holding the memory like a pearl inside her.
As the vision slowly faded and her awareness returned to the present moment, she felt a surge of excitement ripple through her. Without hesitation, she reached for her journal nearby and began to write. Words poured out quickly, trying to capture the vivid details, the giant lotus, the swirling energy, the gentle yet powerful feeling of connection. She wanted to remember every nuance, every sensation, so she could return to that place again. This experience felt like a precious gift, a doorway she longed to revisit. The pages filled with her raw, eager reflections, a bridge between her meditative journey and her waking world.
SPECIAL for Readers:
Guided Meditation: Sitting on the Lotus - Connecting with Your Inner Energy
Find a quiet, comfortable place where you can sit or lie down without disturbance. Close your eyes gently, and take a few deep, slow breaths. Feel your body relax with each exhale.
Begin by grounding yourself. Imagine roots growing from the base of your spine, or your sitting bones, reaching deep into the earth. Feel the solid, steady support of the ground beneath you. With every breath, feel yourself becoming more connected, more anchored.
Now, bring your awareness inward. Picture a golden light surrounding you, soft, warm, and protective. If your mind wanders or distractions come, gently bring your focus back to this light.
Begin to chant silently or aloud the mantra Namo Ratna Trayaya, the mantra of Avalokiteśvara, the Bodhisattva of compassion. Let the sounds flow gently, like a river, soothing your mind.
"The mantra Namo Ratna Trayaya, a sacred homage to the Three Jewels: the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. This mantra calls upon protection, compassion, and the wisdom that flows through all existence. Let the sound guide your breath and steady your mind as you move deeper into meditation."
As you repeat the mantra, imagine yourself rising into a vast, peaceful space. See beneath you a giant lotus flower, its center firm and soft, like a gentle cushion supporting you perfectly. The petals around you unfold slowly, silky and light, opening with grace.
Sit comfortably on this lotus, feeling both the strength and softness it offers. Let your hands rest gently on your knees in a mudra that feels natural.
Now, bring your attention to the center of your being, your inner pearl. Visualize a glowing sphere of light there, radiant and steady.
Feel energy begin to flow, moving in circles around your pearl and through your body. Imagine this flow like a spinning torus, a doughnut-shaped field of energy that wraps around you, moving in smooth, endless loops.
With each breath, let this energy strengthen, expanding upward and downward, like roots into the earth and branches reaching toward the sky.
Sense yourself connected deeply with the earth beneath and the vast space above. Feel calm, safe, and whole.
If any distracting thoughts or feelings arise, acknowledge them without judgment and gently return your focus to your breath, your mantra, and the lotus beneath you.
Stay here as long as you like, sitting on your lotus, glowing with inner peace and connection.
When you feel ready, slowly bring your awareness back to your body and the room around you. Wiggle your fingers and toes, stretch gently if you wish, and open your eyes, carrying this calm energy with you into your day.