Volume 2, Chapter 6: The Inquisition Has a Crush on Me (And a Sword to My Neck)
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The sky tore open like parchment on fire.
Blinding white light poured from the heavens as divine runes burned across the air, etching the sigil of Absolute Order. The wind stilled. The Void held its breath.
And Kai? Kai was hiding behind a rock.
"I don't care if I've kissed six goddesses and corrupted time," he hissed, peeking out. "This is a lot of drama for one day."
Velmaria cackled behind him. "You say that every day."
Yui's sword was already glowing. "They're here."
Eirnys's chains trembled. "The Holy Inquisition."
Nyxa's screen lit up with red errors. "System override attempted. They're trying to purge Kai's existence. Fun."
Kai turned to Seraphina. "And you didn't warn me why?"
She smirked. "Because I thought watching you panic would be sexy."
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> [Main Quest: Survive the Inquisition]
[Warning: Targeted for Erasure by Paladin-Class Entity: Iseria the Immaculate]
[Bonus Objective: Avoid making out with the enemy]
[System Glitch Notice: Divine Fire Immunity Temporarily Offline]
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From the torn heavens descended a figure of terrifying elegance.
Clad in silver armor etched with judgment, glowing with divine fire, and holding a blade forged from the Ten Commandments themselves—
—Iseria.
She landed without a sound, her wings not made of feathers, but of scripture, each flutter erasing lesser sins from reality.
Kai stood up shakily. "Iseria? Isn't she, like... Heaven's big boss paladin?"
Veyra's expression darkened. "She's worse. She was my replacement after I left. Pure devotion. Zero chaos. A soul forged from unyielding discipline."
Nyxa chimed in, glitching with glee. "Also, fun fact: she has a 97% purge success rate and a 100% inability to process sarcasm."
Seraphina's eyes narrowed. "And she used to like you."
Kai blinked. "Wait. What?"
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Iseria raised her blade. "Kaizelon, bearer of the Glitch. Corruptor of goddesses. Enemy of Heaven. Surrender and be sanctified."
Kai raised a hand awkwardly. "Hi, Iseria. Been a while."
Her eye twitched. "You kissed Seraphina."
He glanced at the others. "...More than just her, actually."
The tip of her sword pressed against his throat.
"You were supposed to be mine."
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[FLASHBACK: Heaven, 3 Years Ago]
Kai knelt in training armor, bruised and panting.
Iseria stood above him, divine and strict. "Again. You failed to deflect the judgment arc."
Kai groaned. "You could at least pretend I have a chance."
She offered him a hand. "You do. With discipline. And my guidance."
Their fingers touched. Her cheeks flushed slightly.
Then the alarm rang. Another trial. Another chance not taken.
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Back in the present...
"I was fond of you once," Iseria whispered, voice colder than judgment. "Until you let the system glitch infect your soul."
Kai chuckled nervously. "What can I say? Glitches get—"
She punched him through a mountain.
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[Boss Battle: Iseria the Immaculate – Stage One]
Kai coughed blood and dirt.
"Okay. No flirting. Got it."
Yui struck first, her holy blade clashing against Iseria's divine steel. Sparks lit the sky. Iseria didn't even flinch.
Eirnys flung chains that burned through dimensions. Iseria severed them with scripture.
Velmaria lit the battlefield on fire. Iseria walked through it, untouched.
Nyxa glitched her reality into a loop. Iseria simply rewrote the loop with law-code.
Even Seraphina's flame-kiss was blocked.
Iseria's blade pointed at Kai once more. "Enough. You defy divine order. You must be undone."
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Kai stood up.
Bruised. Burned. But smiling.
"No."
Iseria narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"
"I'm not yours. I never was. You loved the idea of me. The perfect paladin. I'm not that."
He looked to his harem. "I'm a glitch. A lover. A problem."
He stepped closer. "And I'm loved for that."
The system trembled.
> [Harem Resonance Achieved]
[Kai's Presence stat maxed temporarily – Charisma Overload]
[New Skill Unlocked: Passion Pulse – Radiate an aura that weakens divine resolve and causes emotional confusion in enemies]
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The battlefield changed.
Iseria faltered. "What is this warmth…?"
Kai smirked. "Conflicted feelings, huh? Didn't expect those to be a weapon, did you?"
He took her hand.
"Iseria… You don't have to be perfect either."
She shook her head, trembling. "This isn't… allowed."
Seraphina appeared behind him. "Let her choose."
Yui stepped up. "Even order has cracks."
Velmaria snorted. "Or set it all on fire."
Iseria's blade lowered.
"I should kill you."
"But you won't," Kai whispered.
"Why?"
"Because part of you still wants to kiss me."
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> [Warning: Romance Route Branch Detected – Iseria the Immaculate]
[Option A: Reject Her – Gain Divine Resistance Buff]
[Option B: Kiss Her – Gain Temporary Holy Alignment and Chaos Paradox Affinity]
Kai sighed. "System. Option B."
He pulled Iseria into a kiss.
She gasped. Then kissed back.
The heavens shattered.
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[System Shockwave Detected: Order-Collapse Event Imminent]
[Iseria Removed from Inquisition]
[New Title Acquired: "Kisser of Crusades"]
[System Note: You absolute menace.]
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Later, in the post-battle cuddle-pile...
Iseria sat awkwardly beside Kai, still in holy armor but visibly blushing.
"I've submitted a resignation to Heaven," she murmured.
Kai smiled. "Welcome to the team."
She nodded. "I still hate chaos."
Nyxa sat in his lap. "You'll get used to it."
Yui rolled her eyes. "Or you'll combust."
Seraphina grinned. "Either way, he's worth it."
Veyra stretched. "Next stop: the corrupted cathedral."
Kai blinked. "Wait, what?"
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> [Next Quest: Infiltrate the Cathedral of Forbidden Miracles – Retrieve the Book That Shouldn't Exist]
[Team Update: Iseria has joined the Harem. Blessings altered. Fate Thread mutated.]
[Warning: Chaos Equilibrium Level Reached – Reality's narrative may begin rewriting itself]
Kai buried his face in his hands.
"I'm kissing my way through divine politics, aren't I?"
Everyone nodded.
He groaned.
And smiled.
"Bring it on."
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End of Chapter 6 – Volume 2