I'm attending a program today and I'm specifically happy that I'm going to see Adrianos again. The only thing that has been making me smile this few days is the thought of Adrianos.
I haven't gone crazy yet,so I know exactly what I'm doing. I know even I can't promise myself, because after I decided on not having anything to do with love again,it still came to look for me myself. However,one thing I'm sure of is that as a good girl that I am,my studies comes first, "but I also don't want to lose this guy",I groaned silently and laughed.
All I really want right now is to get to see him everyday,talk and laugh together and nothing more than that. "I really don't know how this guy made me so obsessed with him, but I'm really going crazy at this point" I said to myself and laughed.
I'm at the event and to be honest,there are so many people here. The event is for three days and deep down ,I don't want Adrianos to see me yet, because I'm planning to surprise him." Hey, Amelia,what are you doing here?" I heard the voice and I knew the game was over. " Hi, Adrianos,well I just got here today" I turned my back to face him and smiled.
I don't know how Adrianos feel, but I definitely feel guilty right now. Actually, Adrianos had asked me earlier in WhatsApp to confirm whether I would be coming, but I purposely skipped his question without giving him a specific answer. I'm afraid now that,next time he will prefer minding his own business, since I took his concern for granted.
" Ok" he said and walked away with his friends. " I definitely owe Adrianos an explanation",I said to myself.
Few hours later, I'm in my room and finally the day is over. " Hello Adrianos" I said to him over my phone. " ohh, Amelia, how're you doing " he replied back.
" I'm sorry about what happened today,I don't know if you're angry about me not telling you that I would be coming,I definitely wanted to surprise you " I said , hoping he will understand. " It's nothing, I'm happy that you were able to come" he replied over the phone.
We continued our conversation I really don't know how we kept jumping from one conversation to another, because I was just laughing with no regards to what the time is , until I heard one statement from his mouth.
" I don't really know how to say this Amelia, but I might really stop picking your calls, sometimes I'm just so busy, but if I don't answer your call,it would make me seem like a rude person",he said and laughed. " Then, don't pick it" I said and laughed back and there was a minute of silence before he said" ok then, don't forget you were the one who gave me this permission " In order not to make the conversation feel awkward," Ok,then .Take good care of yourself " I said before putting an end to the call .
I'm I sad or angry,I don't even know. I kinda agree that I've been so inconsiderate and selfish. At first, when I asked him about this and he replied in affirmative,I was furious that he was hiding things from me and when he eventually decided to tell me ,I feel somehow.
I feel very remorseful and apologetic right now, but deep down ,it seems there's something else to it. When Adrianos even told me what was on his mind,he was polite, but I guess I was hurt because I eventually made him talk when I should have just stopped myself.
I know Adrianos as a very busy guy and that is why I also don't like talking to him every time, because every time I did,I lose myself in the conversations and him always replying makes me feel I'm special, but today I realised, I'm just the same like everybody in his eyes.
"I don't really talk like that,but people I talk freely too always enjoys my company or is this also what they feel?" I asked myself. If Adrianos had not said this today,I would never have assumed anything because he was always laughing whenever he's in the phone with me,so I was really surprised when he said he would stop picking my call.
" This is all my fault " , I was foolish to assume that I was someone special to Adrianos, when infact, I'm just one of some people he feels like blocking amd as a result of this, I've been so selfish and inconsiderate. Finally,I understand and I think it's time to give him space and for all and focus on myself. " I knew I'll get heartbroken, but I never imagined it would be this soon. Once again,I betrayed myself and broke my heart with my own hands" I thought silently with years streaming down my face in the darkness.