Chapter 2: The Case of the Missing Socks
Scene: The Laundry Room of Lost Causes
Colonel Mustard (the Common Sense Condiment) stands near a mountain of unmatched socks. A Kid, holding a single polka-dot sock, looks baffled. Across from them, Mrs. Static Cling, the self-proclaimed Laundry Expert from the International Idiocracy of Household Mysteries, clutches a lint roller and a laundry basket overflowing with unmatched socks.
Colonel Mustard:
Welcome to another episode of "Common Sense Court." Today's case: The Case of the Missing Socks. Mrs. Static Cling, you stand accused of spreading wild theories and failing to solve the greatest mystery in laundry history. How do you plead?
Mrs. Static Cling:
Not guilty! Socks just… disappear. It's science. Or magic. Or maybe the dryer is hungry. Nobody knows!
Kid:
Objection! That's not an answer, that's an excuse. If socks can vanish into thin air, why don't my underwear ever disappear? Why is it always the cool socks that go missing and never the scratchy ones?
Colonel Mustard:
Excellent point. Mrs. Static, care to explain the selective appetite of household appliances?
Mrs. Static Cling:
Well, uh… maybe the dryer only likes bright colors? Or maybe there's a portal to another dimension behind the lint trap. Some people say gnomes live in the pipes.
Kid:
So you're telling me my favorite dinosaur sock is living its best life in Narnia with a bunch of garden gnomes? That's your theory?
Colonel Mustard:
Let's review the evidence. Exhibit A: The missing sock is always the one you need for school picture day. Exhibit B: The remaining sock is always the one with the hole in the toe. Exhibit C: Grown-ups blame the washer, the dryer, the dog, and sometimes even the weather.
Mrs. Static Cling:
It's not my fault! Laundry is hard. Socks are small. They're shifty. Maybe they run away together.
Kid:
If socks are running away, maybe it's because you keep folding them into weird little balls and shoving them in a drawer. I'd escape too.
Colonel Mustard:
Let's get scientific. Kid, what's your theory?
Kid:
Easy. Adults are lazy. They drop socks behind the machine, under the bed, or in the car and then pretend it's a mystery. Or they just don't care enough to look. If you actually checked the laundry basket instead of just dumping it, you'd find half the missing socks.
Mrs. Static Cling:
But… but… what about static electricity? Maybe the socks just stick to things and vanish.
Kid:
Static electricity doesn't make socks teleport, Mrs. Cling. It just makes your hair look weird. If you want to find socks, try using your eyes.
Colonel Mustard:
Ouch. The truth stings like a fresh sock slap. Mrs. Static, any final words?
Mrs. Static Cling:
I… I guess I could check behind the dryer. But if I find a portal, I'm not going in after them.
Kid:
Deal. Just stop blaming the dryer for your lack of detective skills. And maybe buy more socks that actually match.
Colonel Mustard:
Case closed! The real mystery isn't where the socks go—it's why adults refuse to use common sense. From now on, the official protocol is: check everywhere, stop blaming imaginary portals, and admit when you lose stuff.
Mrs. Static Cling:
Can I still use the lint roller?
Kid:
Only if you use it to find your logic.
Colonel Mustard:
And that, detectives, is how you crack the Case of the Missing Socks. One clue, one laugh, and one honest kid at a time.
Later, Mrs. Static Cling is seen crawling behind the dryer, muttering about gnomes. The Kid triumphantly finds three missing socks under the couch, and Colonel Mustard polishes his magnifying glass, ready for the next household mystery.
Colonel Mustard (voiceover):
Remember, the only thing more lost than a sock in the laundry is an adult's common sense. But with a dash of honesty and a sprinkle of sarcasm, even the toughest cases can be solved.